Am I Pathological TOO?

Last week I discussed sypmtoms of Adult Children of Narcissistic, Psychopathic and Borderline parents. This really struck a cord with many of you who have dated pathological men and now realize you were also in pathological families. People raised in pathological families ARE more likely to date pathological men -- repeatedly!

The big concern is if pathology can be genetic and my parents were pathological, am I PATHOLOGICAL TOO?The second concern was that if damage can be done by being parented by a pathological, am I DAMAGED?

Pathology 'can be' genetic. There are many people who are born to and raised by pathological parents who are damaged by this pathological parenting but do not grow up to be pathological themselves. There has been a lot of research and study about this issue of 'resilience' in people and why some do become pathological and others do not. Nonetheless, there is about 50% of the people who do NOT become pathological from genetic transmission or from pathological parenting.

However, lots of these 50% who do NOT become pathological from genetic transmission or pathological parenting ARE negatively effected by the parenting they did receive. Their symptoms of effect from pathological parenting were those that were listed last week in this newsletter. If you recognized those symptoms in your-self you probably were/are effected from pathological parenting.

In the 'How to Spot a Dangerous Man' book I talked about that people who were raised by pathologicals have learned how to normalize abnormal behavior. No wonder dangerous and pathological men look like a pretty normal person for you to date! Pathological parenting instills a pathological world view about yourself, others and the world around you. The 'others' part of the world view is how you keep ending up with pathological men -- narcissists, sociopaths and other dangerous types. What you learned at the feet of your parents was that black was white and white was black. So many women find that their level of attraction to pathological men was largely generated and supported within the pathological family.

This is a complicated issue that has it's roots in several factors related to your adult life. Some of these patterns are related to:

• Your chronic pattern of selection in men
• Your inability to recognize and respond to red flags
• Your non-existant boundaries
• Your pathologilized world view that sees black as white and white as black
• Your ongoing symptoms of relationship confusion, PTSD symptoms or other symptoms you might be having

Reading relationship books or going to relationship counselors is not going to address your pathological world view and your corresponding symptoms and patterns of selection in men. Your unique family system and relating difficulties need to have the specific understanding and treatment associated with adult children of pathological parents.

We do recoginize your unique needs. And we also understand your concern about having been so chronically exposed to pathology through your early years and now it's devastating results in your adultlife. Rest assured that if YOU were pathological you would most likely NOT be reading this newsletter or seeking out treatment for your symptoms. Pathologicals don't stay in counseling or treatment. If you saw your self in last week's list of symptoms that list is for adult children of pathological parents -- not adult pathologicals.Your symptoms in your adult life are VERY treatable! You can recover. That's the good news!

Related to this issue of pathological parenting, we are ONLY having 2 treatment cycles and retreats about this issue from now until the end of 2007. You need to reserve your space early in this treatment cycle. Please READ the treatment and retreat page on our website BEFORE contacting us with questions that are answered on the website.

I am including some frequently asked questionsabout the programs below. Let us know if we can help you!
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Why You SHOULD Consider A Retreat/Treatment Cycle
The retreat and treatment cycles were created because thereare so few trained therapists who understand the effects of pathological love relationships. There are NO other treatment programs in the US exclusively focused on this issue. There are centers for codependency, sexual addiction, addictive relationships, etc. Most of those are NOT applicable in pathological relationship dynamics. We understand what alot of other programs do NOT about pathological relationships.

Most women are DESPERATE to gain control back over contacting him, reorganizing their thought-life, raising their functioning levels and getting their lives back. They don't have a year to 'get it together' -- they are working, have children or other committments that necessitate that they function NOW! A 4-7 day treatment cycle is the equivalent of 5-7 months worth of counseling! This is based on if you do the normal types of outpatient counseling which is one hour a week. It could take you 7 months to learn and process what you can do here in a short amount of time.

Additionally, the factor of being able to be with other women who have been or are in the EXACT same situation is very therapeutic.... you need to HEAR what I hear -- which is YOUR EXACT STORY told over an over by every woman who comes through here. You are not alone and this is NOT unique! Narcissists and psychopaths are ALL the same. You need to grow from each others experience and learn from one another -- not just me. Doing phone counseling with me is NOT the same as having been through a treatment cycle nor does it help you break the isolation and stigma you feel from your relationship.

We heal in community. We don't heal in isolation.

Lastly, my phone counseling slots are FILLED! I don't have any more openings with me but there are so many women who need help! Using the retreat and treatment cycles is a great way to get help FAST and get functioning FAST. It's also cheaper in the long run. The costs of the retreats have been reduced thru some donations. If you were doing outpatient counseling at an average of $100 per session x 4 sessions per month x 7 months worth of counseling you would have paid out $2,800. Most of our treatment cycles start at $400 and go up from there. Which would you rather pay--$2,800 or $400? Would you rather stay in counsleing for a year or only a few months?

Do consider how our teatment cycles can help you regain everything he has taken -- alot sooner!!