Welcome aboard to the group of people MOST LIKELY to end up in a pathological relationship. Can your career be a risk factor for finding/staying with a narcissist or psychopath? Unfortunately, YES!
Look at that list again... all the 'hearts of gold' kind of people -- the salt of the earth women -- the 'Mother Teresa's' of the world -- AT RISK for attracting and staying with dangerous, dark, and pathological men. Seems unfair doesn't it? Normally, narcissists and psychopaths don't migrate to their own kind. On rare occassions they do and you end up with a sensationalized case of a new Bonnie & Clyde. But in most cases, they migrate to you!
During a recent media interview I said,"I think understanding this represents one of the largest break throughs in our understanding of dangerous intimate relationship dynamics. For so long we understood him but we didn't really understand her. She was wrongly labeled codependent but codependency treatment didn't help her. She was wrongly labeled a relationship or even sex addict and addiction treatment didn't help her.
She was wrongly labeled as mutually pathological and yet she was never diagnosed with her own personality disorder. Nothing fit and nothing explained her until we found the missing key... her 'off-the-Richter-scale traits' that put it all in perspective. Once we can understand her, we can help her."
What we do understand is that by nature of your own tender and helpful personality traits you migrated to a career in which you could use your abundant traits of empathy, helpfulness, compassion, resourcefulness, cooperation, and tolerance. Where best do these great humanitarian traits get used? In helping professions like social work, ministry, nursing, other medical professions, psychology, teaching, child workers... all people with big hearts trying to give out of their own abundance. By virtue that you even ENDED up in one of these professions means you are probably more at-risk for these types of relationships than others.
In almost ALL circumstances, the women from these relationships are either IN these types of professions or are trying to get in to them... (they are in school or trying to move out of their job into a more giving field).
Many of the women who are in these types of professions ended up with the narcissist or psychopath during the course of their actual jobs. Nurses hooked up with patients, doctors married someone they met in the field, psychologists dated mentally ill men, missionaries dated someone from one of the street missions where she worked. Every once in a while we got stories from very left-brained women like CPA's but even then, she's not a typical left-brainer. She's still got a lot of the abundant humanitarian traits.
This has a lot of implications for possible prevention work. Knowing that women in these professions are more likely to have the high risk personality traits means education can begin within these professions. Women need to know that sometimes even their career selection is indicative of what their relationship selection might be as well. Please email us at saferelationships (at) yahoo and tell us what your profession is if you were in a relationship with a pathological man, a narcissist or sociopath/psychopath.
We're curious!!
1 comments:
Yes, yes, This thought, that a care giver is more at risk for attracking abusers is (in my opinion) much more viable than the codependent model.
Although, I would suggest that abusers are equal oppurtunity offenders and anyone with an openess can fall victim.
I highly applaud your approach to this issue because you are not revictimizing the victim.
I have seen this done countless times by others in the online support groups and selfhelp book areas. Some of these so called professionals, claim to be Doctors in the field and (in my opinion) are not qualified to give theraputic advice and continually revictimize victims.
Thank you for your work.
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