How to Spot a Dangerous Man

I used to love and respect my dad. I used to think he was principled and strong. I used to think he loved me. Much has happened, and these happenings have taught me many things. Several of which is that all of the above were illusions. Figments of my imagination. Fantasy and dreams. Recent experience has revealed not only the present but the past. One of the saddest realities I have had to confront in my adulthood is that my father has never loved me. I won't bore you with my long list of remembrances that prove this point. I don't have to prove anything to you. I am only stating that it has been proven to me. I will sum up my realizations about my dad to you, though, just in case it may resonate in your own experience. The only person who really matters to my dad is himself. Yes, he has worked hard for years to provide for his wife. And himself. By providing for his wife, he can claim this as proof that he loves her and has done his duty toward her. This works fo...

Today I experience a revival of active loathing for my Nmother. Today I hate her. Again. I hate the long decades of my life where I believed the opposite to be true of her. I hate my gullibility that induced me to stay in her life where she could continue her soft abuse of me and my dear daughter. What I used to believe about my Nmother: All other people may be liars, but she could be relied on to never tell a fib. All other women were likely to be poor at parenting, but my mother was the pinnacle of motherly wisdom and a font of knowledge for parenting advice. She would admit to being able to control others, but none were more self-controlled than she in her ability to never be controlling. She was the personified exemplification of peace. Never a raised voice in her home was proof of this claim. Now I know with painful acuity that every one of her claims above was the diametric opposite of reality. Indeed, if anyone in the room is a liar it is she. Lies are her stock-in-trade. ...

You've been psychologically tortured and abused by a narcissist/sociopath/psychopath family member. You finally tell another family member what you've experienced. What you get back from this person is a "sermon" on how there is good in everyone. You haven't looked hard enough for it. Everyone has redeeming features; if you haven't found them then you are just not looking. Implied in this sermon is that the deficiency is in you . Also inherent in these comments is the belief, perpetuated by humanistic psychology, that everyone is basically "good". There is no room in this anthropological theory for the concept of evil. Bad people don't exist. Malevolence is a figment of your imagination. The person who says things like this to you has something to gain. Perhaps they are trying to keep you from "rocking the boat". Maybe this land of denial they live in is how they keep from having to deal with anything difficult. Fear of confr...