How to Spot a Dangerous Man

The NPD illusion of superiority is a facet of a generalized disdain for reality. These individuals feel unconstrained by rules, customs, limits, and discipline. Their world is filled with self-fiction in which conflicts are dismissed, failures redeemed, and self-pride is effortlessly maintained. They easily devise plausible reasons to justify self-centered and inconsiderate behavior. Their memories of past relationships are often illusory and changing. If rationalizations and self-deception fail, individuals with NPD are vulnerable to dejection, shame, and a sense of emptiness. Then they have little recourse other than fantasy. They have an uninhibited imagination and engage in self-glorifying fantasies. What is unmanageable through fantasy is repressed and kept from awareness. As they consistently devalue others, they do not question the correctness of their own beliefs; they assume that others are wrong. The characteristic difficulties of individuals with NPD almost all stem from the...

...it might be this song. Why I Lie by Liz Phair If you ask me why I lie to you I can tell you I don't know myself Its amazingly dishonest But I'd have to recognize it As part of myself Straighten up Why can't you straighten up I've heard you tell me this So many times It doesn't even stick I get it all the time I get it all the time You know I love to make A joke of it And if you ask me why I hurt you I don't understand it I can't help myself Its a special combination Of predatory instinct And simple ill will I would give some thought to it If I thought that it might do me Some good Some good Straighten up Why can't you straighten up You always say I'll lose Control of it And thirty is not too old Well momma I would give some thought to it If I thought that it might do me Some good Some good Some good

After reading this post from LoveFraud.com I'm anxious to read the recommended book, Criminal Interrogation: A Modern Format for Interrogating Criminal Suspects Based on the Intellectual Approach , by Warren D. Holmes. From LoveFraud.com : Many Lovefraud readers have expressed the desire to know how to “out” a psychopath/sociopath. In this book Mr. Holmes gives his ideas about this subject. In his Chapter “How People Lie” he discusses the neurotic liar and compares lies told by these people to psychopathic liars. He has also listed and categorized what he calls “liar statements.” These are statements that signal someone is lying. In reading his list, I found that psychopaths/sociopaths use many of these. Here are his categories of liar statements: To read the list and the rest of the article go here .

The next tool in the manipulator's toolbox that George Simon, Jr. Ph.D. of " In Sheep's Clothing " describes is lying. It seems kinda obvious to list lying in the bag of tricks because we all have at least some awareness of the reality that manipulators play fast and loose with the truth to gain an advantage. Obvious or not, we all get taken in by lying manipulators because the truth isn't always readily accessible at the time you're being lied to. We may know that they lie, but we usually have a hard time detecting the lie...until long after they've gotten what they wanted from us. Mr. Simon points out that the lies preferred by covertly-aggressive individuals are lies of omission . Damn, if those aren't the hardest lies to detect! They lie by telling the truth . It is what they leave out that makes it a lie. Okay, when I get on the subject of lies and liars I just get pissed. I hate lies. I hate that I was duped by liars for so very long. Th...

Dr. Robert Hare tells us that psychopaths are not the good liars they are generally acclaimed as being. In his book " Without Conscience " in the chapter titled Words from an Overcoat Pocket he outlines the anomalies of the way psychopaths use language. More accurately, how they misuse language. And some really interesting reasons as to why . Please don't be distracted by my referring to Hare's work with psychopaths. The character-disordered have one thing in common: they lie. A lot. Lying is pervasive throughout all their interactions with others. As I have highlighted before , Dr. Hare has established that all psychopaths have a pervasive narcissistic personality. So, even on their best day, a malignant narcissist has much more in common with the psychopath than with the rest of us. Also, I know that some of you who read this blog are dealing with someone who is closer to the psychopath than not. I have observed before that the malignant narcissist prosti...

Betrayal of the bystanders . It is something many of us have experienced. It goes hand in hand with a narcissist's abuse. They make sure they surround themselves with dupes who love a lie. Which reminds me of what the Bible says in 2 Thessalonians. It talks about those people who have never learned to "love the truth"...the consequences of this are then stated. Because they don't love the truth, they are completely susceptible to delusion. The axiom here is: If you don't love truth you will believe and love lies. This, to me, is a scary reality. I long ago decided I would embrace truth because the truth is where life resides. Lies may accomplish short term goals, but in the long run living in lies embrace life- destroying effects. The complicit bystanders who lap up gossip like a cat laps cream are exposing their love of lies. They are dangerous to your life. When they are exposed to you as the result of a narcissist's attempt to assassinate your...

It can be easy to be sucked back into the N-vortex when they shift their tactics. I have pondered just a bit into why we adult children of narcissists (ACONs) get suckered by our N parent(s) when they suddenly seem to be "nice". I think at least part of the reason is that we are honest-hearted people. I have noticed that honest people don't presume deception in others. Especially in our parents or close relations. More on that in a moment. Here is the scenario I'm picturing as I write this: you've been used and abused by the narcissist for years. You've started to get a clue as to what you are dealing with. You start establishing some boundaries, you start using a backbone, you are putting up with less crap. In the wake of the changes in you , the narcissist will also appear to change. They take on a more submissive posture. They seem to be behaving better. You start to have hope that you've made a difference. You start to believe that the narc...

As I have reflected on history with my narcissistic mother I have been able to see clear indications of her awareness of her crimes against me. I suspect you've seen the same indications with your own narcissist. I'll name a couple of them: 1) All my life she has hated my friends. I know now it is because they have always been a threat to her control of my mind. She made it clear to me, starting when I was very young, that I was not allowed to speak of the things that went on in our house. It was none of anyone's business, she would say. It was repeated often that talking about her or our family life was wrong, disloyal, bad. (Even though she freely gossips to whoever about immediate family members when it suits her.) Despite the ongoing propaganda she was never sure whether or not I was sharing things with my friends; she always imagined signs that they didn't like her and how that was directly my fault. It is likely you've also seen this paranoia and active camp...

Just points along the continuum... What happens if a person does manage to completely overcome their conscience so it disturbs them no more? Welcome to the unveiling of the psychopath. The psychopath has thrown off all constrictions of conscience and, consequently, societal strictures, thus making them capable of the most heartless and base crimes against humanity while they smirk and talk about how the victim deserved what they got. I'm not saying all, or even many narcissists, turn into psychopaths. There is no evidence for that, and I certainly don't believe it. I do believe it is accurate to assert, though, that all psychopaths are narcissists. More and more professionals are coming to see malignant narcissism as a continuum. A psychopath is the endpoint on that continuum of narcissism. But our study here is the narcissist. The narcissist still has a conscience and, therefore, hides her crimes under a cloak of self-made righteousness. This pretense is unnecessary for...

The narcissist is a junkie. Why? For the same reason people become addicted to drugs: it dulls the pain. What pain is the narcissist seeking deliverance from? Their pain is that of a conscience not given its due . They dodge, weave, connive, and lie to themselves, and others, constantly in order to cheat their conscience. A lie is a deliberate effort to conceal the truth. The narcissist lies because they know what the truth is. Truth is something the narcissist must fend off with all their might because truth is like the wooden stake through the heart for the vampire. They perceive truth as the enemy because it will destroy their flimsy house of cards. Always keep the thought in the back of your mind...the narcissist is aware of truth which is why she lies so much. She lies to you just as much as she lies to herself. Truth is their mortal enemy. Which is why, if you decide to embrace truth, you will have to let go of the narcissist. We all have pain. It is the lot of humanit...