How to Spot a Dangerous Man

The last on Kathy Krajco's list of eight red flags of narcissism is: Hostile Reaction to Attention or Credit Given Others And then, of course, we get to the heart of malignant narcissism, Narcissistic Envy. You will notice that, invariably, when anyone is given recognition before the group, a narcissist immediately starts showing dislike for, or animosity toward, that person. Immediately he sets out on a campaign of character assassination. Envy is bitter, an extremely unpleasant emotion. It's normal only when some other party really has robbed us of our due. A narcissist's unnatural envy is so universal and so strong that he cannot even stand being in a place where someone else gets attention. If he cannot keep that from happening, he will find some way to absent himself from the situation -- if only by turning away from others and staring at a corner of the ceiling. What Makes Narcissists Tick , pg. 84 *********************** I elaborated on the centrality of envy in...

When it doesn't perplex you, or annoy the hell out of you, or make you cry, this next red flag provides some of the humor when dealing with narcissists. I'm talking here about the humor that makes you laugh at someone who is being ridiculous and stupid and is blissfully unaware of it. Extreme self-absorption is another red flag. Unless a narcissist is a "doting" narcissist who keeps a "star" child he's exploiting under a microscope, just ask him about his family. You will be astounded at what he doesn't know about them. That's the dead giveaway. To test a person, write a basic character description of each member of his immediate family. Note things like whether this person is religious, excitable, highly motivated -- that's all, just basic stuff that anyone who sees them regularly should know about them. If you ask a narcissist to match each character description with the family member it belongs to, he will gape at you as though you j...

We're up to number six of Kathy Krajco's list of eight red flags of narcissism from her book, What Makes Narcissists Tick, pg. 81: Tramples Privacy/Boundaries as a Control-Freak Yet another red flag is a universal disrespect for other people's privacy, boundaries. This is a result of the narcissist viewing people as mere objects there for her sake to serve her needs and desires. I gave an example in the previous section, in the boyfriend who disrespects your right to decide how to wear your hair. It's your body, not his. You're the one who lives with the consequences of the decision, not him. You aren't his car, something he owns and therefore can paint a different color if he wishes. You own you. But he is treating your body as HIS property by presuming the rights of its owner over it. Here's another, more literal, example. Your property line affects him like waving a red flag affects a bull. He must violate it and make what's your territory hi...

The next two red flags on Kathy Krajco's list of "Eight Red Flags of Narcissism" are brief in description. "History of Past Upheavals" says: If you know a narcissist's history, you will usually see a track of mysterious upheavals in his life. He suddenly up and moves to a different school or job in a different town every few years. That is, every time the good angels in his Pathological Space start comparing notes, get his number, and become enraged. In one narcissist I know of, these upheavals began with one in the eighth grade. "What Makes Narcissists Tick" pg. 79 In other words, once the narcissist has crapped enough in one place and it begins to stink they have to move on. The pile of excrement near the narcissist has made it clear to others who is doing the crapping. All that dung is what we call 'exposure'. Thus requiring a new scene for the narcissist. This history of past upheavals can be more subtle than the narcissist having to ph...

Next on Kathy Krajco's list of eight red flags of narcissism is this one which you're all very aware of if you've been dealing with a narcissist, "vandalizes other's images". I'll reproduce the majority of Kathy's commentary on this red flag from her book, "What Makes Narcissists Tick" pages 76-78: Then there is the other side of the coin, which is an even more menacing sign of bad faith -- what narcissists do to the images of others. Consumed with pathological envy, they make themselves look good the bogus way, by making others look bad. Overall, individuals high in narcissism displayed amplified responses to social comparison information, experiencing greater positive affect from downward comparisons and greater hostile affect from upward comparisons. --Bogart, L.M., Benotsh, E.G. and Pavlovic, J.D. (2004), Feeling Superior but Threatened: The Relation of Narcissism to Social Comparison, Basic and Applied Social Psychology, Vol. 26, Iss.1, ...

I decided this week I have found a new tag line for my blog. It captures the essence of what I'm doing here: "It is much easier to make good men wise than to make bad men good." This quote is pulled from Henry Fielding's book, "Tom Jones" first published in 1749. With a little thought I'm sure you can see why this quote fits my blog's effort. I don't advocate here that we spend our time, energy or resources on trying to make narcissists good. There is far too great a weight of evidence that it would be wasted effort on the narcissist. All my effort here is expended on making you, the reader, wise. So I apply my energy to that activity which has much better chance at success: helping good people to become wise people. I would be an abysmal failure if I channeled my efforts at trying to make "bad men good". Narcissists definitely fall into the category of "bad". There are enough apologists out there for the narcissist....

A universal trait of malignant narcissists and every other version of evil person is their need to control you. Not themselves. You. This trait of the evil is so universal that you must put it in the red flag category. It is quite possible to not be a malignant narcissist and still find yourself trying to control other people. If you recognize that you can be controlling then it is time to rein yourself in. I would recommend other people to see it as a red flag in your behavior too regardless of the fact that you don't demonstrate yourself to be a malignant narcissist. Trying to control other autonomous human beings is weakness not strength. It always lends itself toward evil outcomes. It is morally wrong. In contrast with the evil who try to control everyone (and everything) in their sphere is that of the person with self-control. When you observe how someone interacts with you do you see them exerting consistent self-control in their own lives? Or are they mostly focused on co...

As many of you likely know, Kathy Krajco compiled an excellent list of the "red flags of narcissism" in her book, "What Makes Narcissists Tick". I find myself wanting to reprint her list with the descriptions because they are so valuable for people trying to assess the level of malignancy of the person they're having to deal with. Perhaps I'll do that over time. What I'll do today, though, is highlight what Kathy called the "reddest flag". Before I get to that. I've been on a true crime jag over the last six weeks (one book tends to lead to another). I started in on reading after the last national election. Not being at all confident in all the hope changiness being promised I'm checking out. I find true crime a much more cheerful topic right now than politics. I've now read several volumes of true crime since the week before Thanksgiving. The latest I read was a story about a man who exhibited every single trait of malignant narcis...