How to Spot a Dangerous Man

I've been feeling a bit burnt-out on the subject of narcissism of late. I get tired of thinking about these twisted monsters, but I never fail to check out what Kathy Krajco is saying on the subject since she always has excellent insights to share. I'd like to direct you to her blog post on how the narcissist permanently damages his/her brain by their believing falsehoods and twisting logic. I have observed and wondered if narcissist's bring on their own dementia in their twilight years by how they've misused their minds. My musings on this began about half a dozen years ago when I started paying attention to aging narcissists. Kathy has provided a profound argument that is logically cohesive and I think proves that, yes, you can mind-f*** your brain to oblivion.

I just received an email from a friend who doesn't realize that she is being gaslighted by her eldest (adult) child. So that makes me think I should touch on this subject here because it is a form of psychological abuse that narcissists often employ. For a brief article on the subject of gaslighting with excellent examples of how this tactic is employed, click here . Gaslighting occurs when a person you trust to tell you the truth about reality , is, in fact, bending reality with lies. When this happens consistently over a period of time it causes you to question your sanity. In the fifth season of the TV series "24" we see gaslighting in the relationship of President Logan with his wife. Because he is now the most powerful man in the world, his version of reality holds even more sway over her. He can recruit a powerful cadre of support for any and all versions of "reality" he decides to concoct. Mrs. Logan finds herself isolated psychologically because n...

I have mentioned before that I am a member of a support/discussion group for Adult Children of Narcissists. While this is a very diverse group in terms of religious backgrounds, periodically spiritual questions come up and there is surprising unanimity on the subject of whether or not evil exists and an openness to the idea that there is a spiritual realm where a spirit of evil exists. It seems inevitable that one's thinking turns to spiritual themes when dealing with narcissists because narcissism confronts you with the age old concept of good vs. evil. If you been raised by a narcissist you've been confronted with the banal face of evil. When the face of evil is worn by mom or dad it complicates things immensely. It becomes impossible to dismiss the realness of evil when you've seen it, smelled it, tasted it, felt it. Since society, under the influence of pop psychology, doesn't believe that everyday evil exists, our persistence in believing it does exist in spite...

One of the oft used tools in the narcissist's manipulation toolbox is disproportional response . This technique is highly effective on adults; it is devastatingly effective on children. Any abusive tactic is targeted at one goal: control. The narcissist is consumed with controlling his version of reality which means he must control you in order to maintain a sense of the world as he has defined it. The narcissist attempts to maintain "order" and internal cohesion in himself by shaking up your world. By confusing you, he gets to feel sane. By fragmenting your reality he gains a sense of wholeness. Yeah, it's twisted. He keeps you off-balance by his disproportional reactions to minor affronts. He rages suddenly over what seems like nothing. It is nothing. That's part of the point. He punishes over the tiniest infractions to throw you off balance by confusing you. You gently disagree with him on some minor point and he throws a giant tantrum. Or you ma...

One of the reasons it can be so hard to convince other people that the narcissist is dangerous and evil is because of the altruistic image many of them often present to the world. My entire lifetime I have been an observer of my mother's relationships (including with myself) and have seen how in every single one of them she made sure she was perceived as the benefactress. In her mind, her position of "giver" is one of superiority. To the narcissist it is a sign of inferiority to ask for help; a sign of superiority to dispense help. This is a hard and fast principle with narcissists so you better commit that one to memory. Her giving came in several forms: she would give of her time, her knowledge, and sometimes her resources. The narcissist knows the most dependable source of supply is to make another person dependent on them, so they encourage dependence. They know that being dependent is habit-forming so they are anxious to encourage you to this end. It makes for a...