How to Spot a Dangerous Man

Using the four criteria to determine if a person is experiencing Stockholm syndrome, Sara Lambert shows how chronically abused children are demonstrably victims of this syndrome. In " Captivity & The Stockholm Syndrome " the author describes the environment the child lives in who is experiencing ongoing abuse. I have been convinced for a while now that many adult children of narcissists show signs that they are operating from a Stockholm syndrome perspective. The article is careful to state that: It is important to emphasize here that nothing about the Stockholm Syndrome suggests the captive does anything wrong or abnormal. The situation is driven entirely by the abusive captor and responsibility for it, and for the captive's responses, lies directly with him. I completely agree with this statement. This syndrome is a survival technique; it is a quite effective one at that. But in order to live a healthy adult life one has to recognize if their behaviors are st...

I applaud the author of this article, " It's All About Him ". He sees the connection between so many of the high profile murderers of our day--their narcissism. The article came out in the wake of the Cho murder spree. Here are a couple quotes from the article. I recommend reading the full article as it isn't long but is succinctly insightful. I've lost interest in the cracks, chips, holes and broken places in the lives of men like Cho Seung-Hui, the mass murderer of Virginia Tech. The pain, grievances and self-pity of mass killers are only symptoms of the real explanation. Those who do these things share one common trait. They are raging narcissists. The flamboyant nature of these crimes is like a neon sign pointing to the truth. Charles Whitman playing God in his Texas clock tower, James Huberty spraying lead in a California restaurant, Harris and Klebold in their theatrical trench coats--they're all stars in the cinema of their self-absorbed minds.

Torienne's comments on the private sadism of narcissists brought a particular event to my recall. It didn't happen to me personally. As my mother gets older her ability to hide her malignancy diminishes. This event happened a few years ago. As I've mentioned in previous posts, my mother began grooming my female cousin "Lee" to take my place as a daughter, of sorts. This began in the late 90's. In 2002 I finally was able to figure out that my cousin was under my mother's tyranny, and I did all in my power to help her extricate herself. Successfully, by the way. My cousin has two sons. One of the reasons my mother was able to get a handle on my cousin's life was because Lee was having problems as a single mother raising her two boys. My mother, who constantly advertises herself as having all the answers in raising kids, presented herself to my cousin as her last and best hope. My mother ran a bit of a "boot camp" at her home whenever sh...

A comment was left on my blog a few days ago that deserves to be highlighted. Torienne left a comment on the blog post " When Your Narcissist Mother isn't THAT Bad ". She very articulately describes the component of emotional abuse that makes it so painful and destructive. She also captures what it is that makes physical and emotional pain move from the realm of discomfort into torture. To save you a click, I'll copy and paste her comment below. Thanks, Torienne, for your well-stated insights. Torienne said... I once read a comment by a neonatologist, who said of his profession "What we do to these children is indistinguishable from torture." He has a point. Think about what a juvenile cancer patient goes through -the needles, the poisons, the surgeries. And yet, when they recover, these kids are delighted to return to the hospital where torture was visited on them. They run to hug the nur...

I left off the story of my sister after telling how her lying and thievery played a large role in ruining my cousin's life. For all previous installments of my attempt to describe my relationship with my sister click here . I had limited interaction with my sister after I left my parent's home the second time. Sister went off to college; I was busy working and raising my young daughter. A year after re-marrying I was packing boxes and moved to another state about 400 miles away from my family. During the year I was gone my marriage fell apart. I moved back to the city my parents lived in after calling a close girlfriend and being offered a job where she was office manager. Living my own life, raising my daughter, and being yet again a divorcee' I was spending very little time with my parents and even less time with my sister. Then the event that completely changed my sister's way of relating to me occurred. She became pregnant. She claims she was raped. From her...

True self-esteem is based on something more substantive than feelings. The self-esteem movement in this country has blundered terribly by focusing on building up feelings without any basis in substance. Kids in school are taught to feel good about themselves based on just feeling good about themselves. The idea is that if you feel good about yourself then you'll proceed into life without the impediment of insecurities. Many studies have been done that have exposed of myths of false self-esteem. Insecurities end up not being the worse thing to have. So what is true self-esteem based on? Accomplishment . If you are able to make yourself proud with accomplishment, you will respect yourself. Self-esteem isn't what is important. Self- respect is the issue. Teaching kids how to gain self-respect should be the goal of our educational system and parenting techniques, not this silliness of telling kids to feel good about themselves based on absolutely nothing. We end up raisi...

Innocence seldom utters outraged shrieks. Guilt does. ~ Whittaker Chambers In a previous post I asserted that evil people don't wake up each day deciding which evil deeds to accomplish. They admit to no evil because define themselves and their deeds as good and right. I'm going to explain a little more how they create this alternate reality. It is important you understand how they twist their thinking because you have probably been sucked into believing their insane logic. I am convinced the narcissist senses deep down they are evil. Their whole existence is defined by their efforts to deny this nagging sense. Hence, the universal quality of narcissists to avoid introspection and their profligate use of projection. It is possible, though very rare, for an evil person to admit they are evil. Evil people who admit they are evil tend toward the psychopath end of the narcissism spectrum. Even while admitting to being evil, they will justify their evil in some way in an attem...

Sorry, I can't stop on Paris Hilton quite yet. She SO amuses me. She amuses someone else. Check out the "Celebrity Implosion Index" graph humorously drawn to illustrate the trajectory of narcissist celebs and fame...then their swan-dive off their pedestals: Implosion index Note Paris Hilton's inclusion on the graph. I found the graph here . Kinda humorous. Rooted in truth.

With Paris Hilton all over the news lately, it may be a good time to dust off an old article that came out days after Paris' DUI ...the DUI which started the ball rolling on current events in her public life. A study on narcissism, especially as it relates to celebrities, had come out just before Paris' run-in with the law. She was held up as the poster child for narcissistic celebs by the writer of the article; a perfect illustration of the new study by Drew Pinsky and S. Mark Young. This silly little trollop's histrionics in jail, and later when she was again hauled to the courtroom and back to jail after her brief home detention hiatus, are another sign of the narcissism of our Ms. Hilton. I was amused by vague descriptions of her inexplicable mental deterioration in jail; reasons cited by the L.A. Sheriff for sending her home. It isn't hard to imagine that Paris is having a hard time dealing with her first run-in with accountability. Watching her ridiculous mot...

You can't hide your true colors as you approach the autumn of your life. ~Author Unknown Growing old requires grace and courage. Aging is a series of insults that you have to take in stride else you become a distasteful burden to yourself and those around you. Grace and courage are not attributes the narcissist possesses at any age so the lack of these virtues become all the more apparent as they grow old. You don't have to live terribly long to observe that age highlights and underlines what you've been all your life. I have met delightful elderly people who are so lovely on the inside it makes their wrinkled faces a pleasure to look upon. I have met the others...those whose wrinkled characters are unfavorably enhanced by their craggy countenances. They become odious inside and out to the observer. The final act on the stage of life seems to be a pulling back on the curtain of the soul. For some, age seems to have taken them by surprise. The series of choices that ...

You've come to realize a harsh reality, or you're simply entertaining a harsh possibility : your mother is or might be a malignant narcissist. You've started to Google the Internet looking for someone to explain the pathological relationship you have with the woman who calls herself "mother". For years you've been struggling to understand this woman. You've wrestled with your conflicting feelings for decades. You've been used and abused by her but never allowed to think of her behavior toward you as being abusive. Now a label is tantalizing you with a hope that you will someday understand this complicated mess. All of which is why you are here now. There is no simple explanation for your mother. There is no formula that will "fix" her either. If you are looking for either of those you are set up for disappointment. I will tell you what you can do. You can come to understand that you are not the one who is crazy or defective. You wi...

In part one I began addressing some principles involved in the fifth commandment. Christians have unique issues when dealing with a malignantly narcissistic parent which is why it's important to look carefully at principles so we can know what is truly expected of us. Narcissists who pretend to be Christian have the weight of one of God's commandments to justify themselves and force their adult children into a lifetime of servitude. I am endeavoring to show that this commandment is not a license for a parent to ruin your life. Exodus 20:12 NIV "Honor your father and your mother, so that you may live long in the land the Lord your God is giving you." One of the ways that children, both as minors and after becoming adults, show honor to their parents is this: by living honorably . Deservedly or not, if a child misbehaves it reflects poorly on the parent. When an adult child breaks laws of decency and good behavior it still reflects dishonor upon the parents. The...