How to Spot a Dangerous Man

I'd like to build some on the line of thought in the last post . I made a case that the grown malignant narcissist was a difficult, devious and generally obnoxious child -- to their peers and siblings especially and primarily. The logic is that the malignant narcissist is a case of arrested development. They have never progressed on to emotional, spiritual and mental maturity. So you get a constant view of the child they were at six when watching the operation of the grown narcissist. Let's go from the thought above to this thought: The narcissist is a malicious child cloaked in an adult body. Because the malignant narcissist has always been what they are it is impossible to "rehabilitate" them. Let us look carefully at the concept of rehabilitation and what it truly means. We're going to do so with the assistance of Stanton E. Samenow, Ph.D. who has spent a whole career studying how criminals think. His observations on criminals are completely transferable ...

I received an email from someone who was perplexed because her N mother as a child was, from all reports, a sweet, compliant and cooperative child to her alcoholic and physically abusive father. The confusion of the emailer prompts me to clarify my point . It is very possible that the adult narcissist you're dealing with was not considered a problem child by his or her parents, teachers or other authority figures. That is why I emphasized that the problems this narcissist-as-a-child created were most likely felt primarily by their peers, school mates and siblings. My mother was never in trouble with authority figures. She was not particularly troublesome to her mother. At least, not overtly. (I know she played mind games on her mother, but that was covert behavior which gives her plausible deniability.) The same can be said for my sister. But both my mother and sister as children were demonstrably very different with those who were younger than they were or someone they fel...

Have you ever wondered what the narcissist was like as a child? Do you picture the narcissist as a timid, wounded little soul who was pushed around and abused only to eventually turn into the monster they are now? How about a different picture. The adult malignant narcissist you contend with was, in all likelihood, a pox on her siblings and school mates as a child. Think about it. Malignant narcissism is always a case of arrested development; someone who remains stuck at about six years of age emotionally and morally. What you are witnessing today is how the narcissist acted as a six year old. No doubt they have polished up their gig. They have fine-tuned their ways through years of trial and error. They are, in some ways, more sophisticated in their game. Some ways. They still can throw a tantrum like any six year old. They have the advantages that come from being an adult which can, to some extent, blind us to how juvenile their behaviors are. They are a child trapped in...

I have been mulling over thoughts on how to approach the subject of spiritual abuse especially as it relates to narcissists. I've had some close and personal experiences with spiritually abusive people who I am sure were very narcissistic people. There is a close link in Christian churches between the spiritually abusive and narcissism. When those two are combined we start to observe the classic red flags of cultism. I found an article that is quite comprehensive given its relative brevity. If you feel you've been impacted by a spiritually abusive atmosphere in your church or family then I encourage you to read it in full. Spiritual Abuse by Major Scott Nicloy He is covering some important aspects of this problem that I will not be covering. He explains some of the reasons that well-intentioned people become abusive. I will be focusing more on the malignantly intentioned people who use the spiritual club. I think it is important to have it pointed out that not all peop...

"It is impossible to confront someone over their tone of voice, their demeanor or they way they look at you, but once your narcissistic mother has you trained, she can promise terrible punishment without a word. As a result, you’re always afraid, always in the wrong, and can never exactly put your finger on why." Characteristics of Narcissistic Mothers My mother is a virtuoso at what is described above. I'm going to attempt to describe the "look" without the benefit of pictures. I haven't written about this sooner because a picture is worth a thousand words. I've yet to find a picture with the murderous look my mother is known for by those close to her. I've even tried to use Google images to see if anyone has captured something resembling her look. I still haven't found it. So, I'm going to try to describe it both as it appeared and the emotions it evoked and hope your imagination can do the rest. The quote above proves to me that the ...

Last night we had my extended family over for dessert, coffee and conversation. Half-way through the evening I told them I was going to read one of my blog posts to them. My Mother -- The Actress . The reactions when I started reading it to them were very entertaining (as I knew they would be). They started gasping, talking over each other, "Oh, yeah, how many times did we have to hear THIS story"; laughter and hilarity ensued. This part of the family was under my mother's thumb for a number of years. I've written about my cousin, her sons and her father (my uncle) in other posts. This is the part of my extended family we remain close to and live close to. We've all broken every contact with my parents and sister. For nearly five years my mother had unfettered access to my cousin, et al. They've heard all the stories I grew up hearing. They've heard them almost as many times as I have because they know the stories word for word as I do. It is f...

I'm just cruising around Google checking different things out, and I stumbled across an article. The link is here . Actually the page contains several articles stacked up. Under the heading of, "Bullies, Narcissists and Snipers" July 2004 there is an interesting definition of the back-stabber. Sniper. You have to page down to find it. Here is a snippet: Otherwise known as Back Stabbers, these folks can be difficult to deal with because they are friendly and agreeable to your face, and will always deny any hostile intent, yet they find ways to attack you invisibly, or when you’re not looking. The best way to deal with this passive-aggressive behavior is to surface the attack : that is, let the sniper know that you realize what’s going on, and if you can, point out the sniping behavior as it’s happening. This will likely make the sniper mad, but usually the attacks ...

Betrayal of the bystanders . It is something many of us have experienced. It goes hand in hand with a narcissist's abuse. They make sure they surround themselves with dupes who love a lie. Which reminds me of what the Bible says in 2 Thessalonians. It talks about those people who have never learned to "love the truth"...the consequences of this are then stated. Because they don't love the truth, they are completely susceptible to delusion. The axiom here is: If you don't love truth you will believe and love lies. This, to me, is a scary reality. I long ago decided I would embrace truth because the truth is where life resides. Lies may accomplish short term goals, but in the long run living in lies embrace life- destroying effects. The complicit bystanders who lap up gossip like a cat laps cream are exposing their love of lies. They are dangerous to your life. When they are exposed to you as the result of a narcissist's attempt to assassinate your...

One of my mother's cherished fantasies is the one where she could have been a movie star. She grew up in Los Angeles and blossomed into a striking beauty. Nothing was ordinary about her beauty...it was the kind of exotic beauty that turned the heads of men and women. I know this is true because I've seen it for myself. I've seen the pictures. I've seen the person. She didn't make up this part of the story. Her breath-taking beauty of youth was the primary source of her downfall. It gave her great power which she delighted in exploiting. A story my mother loves to tell is the one where she is dressed up and walking down a street in Hollywood. She was somewhere around eighteen to twenty years old. Whom should she pass but Sophia Loren. Ms. Loren was flanked by a couple of men, but was not looking so hot that day. No make-up, not dressed up, disheveled and behaving badly. Ms. Loren saw my mother, turned, and asked those around her, "who is that ?...

Since it happened yesterday I have struggled with whether or not to bring it up here on my blog. I wasn't sure I wanted to involve people who would never be aware of these events without me mentioning it here. I've decided to do it. I'll explain why as we go along. I have been the object of a smear campaign. I was unsuspecting therefore it was quite a shock. This seems like a good time to bring up the concept of the "smear campaign" that is often used by narcissists. Since this blog is about narcissists and their tactics, this is a good time to bring up this particular one. I was recently invited to join a Yahoo Group by the owner of that group. I was invited and joined on Aug. 28, 2007. The shit hit the fan yesterday, nine days after joining. This is a support group for people who are "divorcing" their parents or in the process of it. The owner asked me to join her group so I could post there. I walked into a trap, apparently. She was well aw...

Your most fundamental right, the right given to all living creatures be they man or beast, is the right to self-defense. A fundamental right is defined as any right that can be simultaneously claimed by all without infringing on another person's rights. Self-defense falls into this definition. Your right to protect yourself, your property, and your family can be exercised without infringing on another person's right to the same. The fundamental right to LIVE is the basis of the fundamental right of self-defense. I contend that only a tyrant-at-heart will try to make a case that you do not have the right to self-defense. Narcissists are always tyrannical which is why they will teach their children at the youngest age that the child has no right to self-defense. This is taught to the child through brain-washing techniques which is why the child grows into an adult and still won't exercise their most basic human right. One of the hallmarks of self-defense is that you w...

Many people are directed to my blog by Google as they search for "characteristics of narcissistic mothers". It seems there are too many characteristics to list, but someone has managed to capture a good picture of the beast. I direct you to Sanctuary for the Abused . Check out the post for Sunday, September 2, 2007 for a detailed description of the many and varied ways of the narcissistic mother. The narcissistic mother is a special beastie all her own. Read it and weep...or laugh. Whichever mood strikes.