How to Spot a Dangerous Man

Perhaps you found yourself wondering after reading the last post , "Why did the mother go back and look again for the record?" It seems like a reasonable thing to do. Reasonable and narcissist aren't usually the words we use in the same sentence to describe something about narcissists. I've had the same question. Of course, I don't have a definitive answer because my mother never talked about this event with me, but I do have a very good explanation. Knowing my mother as I do I realize now that even though I was infuriating her with my insistence on my innocence, that very insistence was disconcerting to her. She had ramped up the rage to terrifying levels and still wasn't able to get me to say what she wanted me to say. My general overall nature as a child was compliant. Fear tactics were consistently quite effective on me. So, I am convinced that my willingness to stick to my guns even as she kept ramping up the rage finally to the point of openly wi...

It was early afternoon and I found myself suddenly summoned before the tribunal otherwise known as "Mother". Location: living room in front of stereo cabinet. It is circa 1967-68. I'm around six years old. Maybe seven. "Where is your [favorite] record?" "It's there." I point to the storage area of the stereo where stacks of vinyl records reside. "I put it away." "No, Anna, it is not here. You took it across the street to your friend's house, didn't you." It wasn't really a question. It was a statement of fact. "No! I didn't!! I put it away here." pointing helplessly back to the cabinet. I can still see her standing over me wearing one of her low-cut sun dresses. Beautiful...and terrifying. Here's the deal. This 33rpm record was my then favorite. I have no recollection today of what it was. I had been explicitly instructed I couldn't take anything that belonged to me to a friend...

The designated night of my escape had arrived. Late that night I was up writing my goodbye letter. The majority of the letter was filled with my apologies and mea culpas for what I was about to do. I explained I was thirteen weeks pregnant and was leaving to get married to my boyfriend. I sobbed for hours at what I was about to do. My sense of shame was nearly crushing me. There wasn't any part of me that could feel good about what I was going to put my family through. To this day I really don't know what other option I had but the one I'd chosen. Hindsight only confirms my decision. If I could go back, I would tell my 17 year old self to do what I was going to do, and never look back. It was the looking back, it was my willingness to try to make up for my "sin" that resulted in years more of suffering at the hands of my cruel, selfish mother. I doubted that any of my belongings I left behind would ever be reunited with me, so I packed up the few things ...

In a previous post I touched on how narcissists do not handle surprises gracefully. A surprise challenges the narcissist's belief that life can be completely controlled. A surprise is a fearful thing because it means the narcissist couldn't see what was coming and was unable to prepare themselves for it. It is a direct challenge to their "god" complex. They are capable of certain mental gymnastics which they use to convince themselves and others that they can't be surprised. For the more superstitious types they may assume an air of prescience. They have somehow linked into the universal mind and can catch the vibrations of a looming disaster. There is definitely the air of paranoia that results from this mental defense. Eventually, the narcissist is suspicious of everything and everyone in order that they can be "right" when something goes amiss. Even a so-called Christian narcissist will talk in this new-agey way to describe their particular p...

I am posting this news about Fred Phelps because I highlighted him on my blog back in January. He is a narcissist/psychopath. If you need proof, read the expose I posted the link to. He is an evil man who has brainwashed multiple generations of his family into a cult following. He is the "minister" of the Topeka, KS Westboro church. The only members of his "church" are comprised of family members. From the CBS article: [Westboro Church] announced plans to protest at victims’ funerals only hours after 32 people were killed in the worst mass shooting in U.S. history. They also may protest at other events on the Virginia Tech campus... ...Phelps’ daughter, Shirley Phelps-Roper, said the Virginia Tech teachers and students who died on Monday brought their fate upon themselves by not being true Christians. “The evidence is they were not Christian. God does not do that to his servants,” Phelps-Roper said. “You don’t need to look any further for evidence those peop...

A lifelong pattern I have observed in my supremely narcissistic mother is her constant fear of abandonment. It colors all her interactions with any person she has turned into a source of narcissistic supply. It describes her entire relationship to her husband, my father. From many conversations with her over the years of my growing up and adulthood (I should call them monologues, not conversations) I have insight that her fear of abandonment goes way back into her early childhood. It has been the focus of her fears as far back as her memories begin. Along with this fear of abandonment is her behavior which seems hell-bent on fulfilling her prophecy of abandonment. Her behavior seems designed to bring on the very thing she fears most. I have watched her force people to abandon her again and again. She finally, after 40+ years, convinced me to abandon her too. I cite my mother's behavior because she is nothing unique as it concerns narcissism. She is quintessential. As such...

A frequently visited theme on my blog here is the need to cut off contact with the narcissist. There are several reasons for cutting off contact, but for those of us trying to rid ourselves of the parasitic narcissist the only reason that really matters is self-preservation. To stay with the narcissist is to be sucked dry. You stay with the narcissist, you will lose everything that makes life beautiful, if not life itself. Today I think I'll address another reason to cut off contact. A little sweet revenge. Come on. You know there is some part of you that wouldn't mind a little revenge. If you don't like that word, you can call it justice, because that is what it will be. Although it will only be a very small measure of justice. You'll have to leave the Big Justice for the Judgment Day. But it is a bit of justice which will bring you peace and the good life at the same time. Let's go to the mouth of the most outspoken narcissist on the planet, Sam Vaknin. ...

On a blog titled " Violent Acres ", V has told a story in three parts of her life with an extremely malignant narcissist. Not that she calls her mother a narcissist. I am calling her mother a narcissist. The horrendous treatment V received from her mother is everyday stuff for children of narcissists. For people who don't have a clue what it is to be raised by a narcissist they choose to believe the child is lying, exaggerating and otherwise horrible for saying such things. V describes the overwhelming loneliness and desperation borne of not being believed. No salvation for a child who is nearly powerless to stop the torment. The Geneva Convention demands better treatment for prisoners of war than what V was experiencing at the hand of her so-called mother. If you are a child of a narcissist, you'll believe the narrative of V because you'll recognize the beast. What children of narcissists need to heal their souls is that at least one person in the world b...