How to Spot a Dangerous Man

I just received the FedEx delivery of Kathy Krajco's death certificate. I will share the relevant details. The date she was pronounced dead was May 9, 2008. The certificate indicates her body "was found 24 or more hours after death" in her own home. The coroner certifies that, in their opinion, her death was due to natural causes. The box for indicating the "actual or estimated date of death" is marked "Unknown". Box 19a is for "Informant's Name". Kathy's sister name is in that box. So, I guess we can assume it was her sister who found Kathy's body. The sister's physical address does prove she lived across the street from Kathy. It can be concluded that the experts believe Kathy died of natural causes and not of foul play. It can also be concluded she was not found for some considerable time after her death. Likely it was a couple of weeks when we consider her last blog post was April 15, 2008. She approved comments...

I am sure that the faithful readers of Kathy Krajco's blog received the terribly sad news of her unexpected death on May 9, 2008. It was brought to my attention on May 14th by one of the readers of both my and Kathy's blog. Those of us who know Kathy's work feel the loss very deeply. She has been a clear, compassionate voice for those abused by malignant narcissists. She cut no quarter for the abusers. Her intelligence, breadth of knowledge of her subject, her teaching ability, her scientific mind, her humor, her compassion are seen throughout all her writings. It would be impossible to measure the amount of help and good she has been to people around the world. I was recently contacted by Barbara who owns the blog " Sanctuary for the Abused ". She was a "net friend" of Kathy's and had a warm email relationship with her. Barbara voiced a concern to me that I had been pondering too. What will happen to Kathy's blog? Kathy's main webs...

Here is an excerpt from the article, " The Three Rs of Accountability ", at Luke 17:3 Ministries. Many offenders are fond of saying, “But I didn’t mean it that way” or “I never meant for that to happen” . BUT INTENT IS NOT THE ISSUE. RESULTS ARE... ...Everybody makes mistakes. Where most of us begin to lose our patience is with those who never LEARN from their “mistakes”- this tells us that these are not really “mistakes” at all, but rather ongoing patterns of behavior. If something is truly accidental or inadvertent, an accountable adult has no problem sincerely apologizing, doing whatever he can to fix the situation, and moving on. Mature adults do not have a problem apologizing for errors in judgment, or innocent mistakes that caused harm to others. There is no guilt or shame attached to a truly unintentional offense. Those who feel guilty and ashamed avoid taking responsibility. One who did wrong deliberately, selfishly, or with malicious intent will be ashamed whe...

I am finding myself having a good time at this web page . It is at Luke 17:3 Ministries . I'm actually looking for something else, but this is too good not to show you. It is the essay titled, "Selective Amnesia". Ha. You can see why I went there given recent events. Here are a few pull quotes: When your abuser claims to have no idea what he did wrong, HE IS LYING. He knows perfectly well what he did. He will try this ploy even if you have told him point blank and in no uncertain terms exactly what he did wrong, argued with him and protested his mistreatment for years, and repeated your complaints dozens of times. And yes, even if you have written him a detailed, 10-page letter listing a few decades worth of examples, which he has no doubt read a couple of hundred times. He has seen your distress every time he hurt you. In fact, that was his reward for hurting you and the reason he continued to hurt you. Because he loved knowing he COULD.... There is no...

Here's how I'm going to do this. My email-to-sister post is going under an old date so as to keep it off the front page. This is how I'm dealing with its length. Since Blogger doesn't have the "below the fold" feature that would allow me to truncate the post, this is how I'm doing it. The five most recent posts are what show up on the front page of my blog. Because new people are coming here all the time I don't want to overwhelm them with a huge post that they have no context for and therefore would likely just move on. After I eventually get at least five new posts up on the blog I will move my email to sister post into its proper order in the archives. I hope this doesn't seem complicated. It really isn't. My email can be read here .

Click here for pic of me. I am posting it today because it captures my present mood. I'm hiding this in the archives cuz I don't want it showing up on the front page. I won't be able to handle the shock of seeing myself in living color when I go to my blog. Feel free to not comment. I promised some weeks ago I'd put up a picture of myself at some point. I'm a woman of my word. [Icon credit ]

I have composed my reply to my sister's latest email. Haven't hit the 'send' button yet; I'm going to sometime today, I think. My email is loooooong. The end result of many hours of labor. *sigh* My husband said last night how my email is too long to post on my blog because no one will read it. "They'll be overwhelmed." sez he. I protested. I think at least some of you will read it. Prove me right, please. *big grin* I'm going to post my sister's email today. That will give ya'll time to read it over and come up with your own impressions before I lay out the facts. I realize that many of you won't have the context of my history with my sister to inform your reading of her email. That's okay. By the time you read my response you'll know what's goin' on. If you're interested in the chronology of our last email exchange you would start here . Then you'd go here for the second part. There's more,...

In the comments on my post of April 27, 2008 a line of discussion developed on the pros and cons of writing letters, especially kiss-off letters, to the narcissist in your life. Some say yes...some say no. I say yes and no. It depends. Maybe. You may or may not have noticed my lack of dogmatism on this point if you have read much here. That is because it really depends on circumstances and personalities as to whether or not it is a good idea to put pen to paper. It is a personal decision you have to make because only you can ascertain whether, in your circumstance, it is better to write or not write. You know the characters in your particular play. You know yourself. You get to decide. The 'no letter' crowd are more vocal about their position. They have good reason to believe that it is an exercise in futility. A waste of time. It can hand ammo to the enemy. These are excellent points and you must carefully weigh them when making your decision. You had better know y...

I have been mulling over at least a couple topics to blog on over the last week. Haven't gotten to the point of putting the words down. Now I've been subjected to a mind flush. What happened? Late last night I checked my email just before heading off to bed and found a most unwelcome sight. An email from my sister. Good grief. She sends it on the eve of Mother's Day and doesn't even acknowledge that fact. It was a missive that shows she is still all wrapped up in herself. Thankfully, the effect of her email on me was minimal in terms of emotions. I read it...rolled my eyes multiple times...and went to bed. She didn't even disturb my sleep. A good sign. But, nevertheless, I have to decide where to go from here. Hence, the mind flush. I will likely be posting her email here so ya'll can see it for yourself. Of course, it will not mean much to you if you haven't read my past posts on "My Sister". There are 23 posts under that label. If ...

I was asked in the comments of the last post for a list of kick-ass movies as a potential source of self-help therapy for those days you want to see a bad guy get hammered. I'll put a caveat emptor here. Everybody, do your own research on a movie. Imdb.com is a good place to do that. It's your own damn fault if you watch a movie and don't like it. Not mine. So don't complain to me if you end up watching something I recommend and you hate it. I'll try to warn ya on movies I think some may not appreciate as much as I do. I have a few twisted tastes in movies...so I'll try to keep that in mind. I'm making this a post since it is easier to put in links...and I can edit to correct errors if necessary. It seems that the list of movies I've come up with fall into at least three different categories. (1) is the serious butt-kicking flick where the 'bad guy' gets it good usually after a lot of bullets, bombs and stuff blowing up. (2) the ...

It is terribly annoying to me when someone pretends to know my mind better than I do. Likely, the level of annoyance I feel when that happens is due to a heightened sensitivity borne of years of enduring this very thing. I took it uncomplainingly for much of my life. I would either submit to mother's or sister's analysis or quietly reject it without saying much of anything. It didn't do to contradict them because no one is more right than they are when they make a pronouncement. As for my heightened sensitivity. That isn't a bad thing. When someone has clobbered you really good and left a nice big bruise, if someone lightly presses on that bruise you are going to react. Your reaction isn't about you being too sensitive. It is about you having a sore spot pressed on. Just because you react sooner than someone else may to having that spot poked at doesn't mean there is something wrong with you. It means they need to lay off. It turns out that the two pe...