How to Spot a Dangerous Man

In the comments section of the post on self-esteem vs. self-respect I made this statement, I have been witness to both. I have seen what were obviously real periods of self-loathing by Ns. I have also seen the theatrical versions. The "feel" of the fake version is quite different to the observant witness. I was asked to explain the difference between the faked self-loathing and the real demonstrations. I will try. First, it is important to not mistake a malignant narcissist's self-loathing as being connected with remorse. Do they have regrets? Oh, yes. But not for your sake. Only for their own sake. They only regret not getting what they think they deserve. Sam Vaknin, the most verbose of narcissists, contends that narcissists are, "immersed in self-loathing and self-pity. He is under duress and distress most of his waking life." Ref . Cry me a frakking river. Life is tough when you're always on the run from reality. If you read Vaknin...

Because of a thread in the comments on the last post I am segueing into today's topic. I am quoting from an article that concisely sums up much of what I was able to independently conclude from my own research years before having read this article. The article is simply a handy device to jump into the subject with. I am not going to attempt a post which includes documentation and sourcing because it would become too unwieldy and unreadable. If you are open minded to investigation the resources are freely available if you apply yourself to finding them. Two years ago I came across an article that I will share with you now. It is titled, "Freud or Fraud?" by MercatorNet . It came out shortly after Freud's 150th birthday in May 2006. The article is an interview with psychologist Gerard Van den Aardweg who has been in practice since 1963. Certainly long enough in the field of psychology to know the field. My research into the theories of Freud began about eight y...

While I was several weeks into my hiatus this summer a new reader of this blog posed a great question I couldn't resist making an effort at answering despite my being on vacation. Because the question was in the comment section of an old post I thought I would re-post it...and my response...here on the front page. I think it was substantive enough of an answer that it deserves front and center placement. Perhaps you could write about how it is that Ns can simultaneously "love" themselves and have low self-esteem. Self-love which is not based on self-respect is the conundrum of the malignant narcissist. This conundrum explains why they can have "low self-esteem" and yet love themselves supremely. They are breathing examples of the consequences of always putting themselves first (which is the Biblical definition of self-love i.e. the one I use.) They are the living proof that self-love doesn't translate into true self-respect and reality-based feelings of ...

I just stumbled across this article whose title I'm absolutely in love with: "How to Talk to a Narcissist...When Listening A Lot Makes "Conversation" This told me straight up that whatever followed was likely to be on target because the title of the article so nails an essential truth about dealing with narcissists. It makes me laugh. I have all kinds of mental pictures immediately flashing in my head where I see myself listening for hours and hours and hours to the narcissists I've had in my life. I've probably lost entire years of my life listening to narcissists. I started being called a "good listener" by people since I hit junior high school age. I was well-trained by my narcissist mother. You would have had to search a very long time to find a more patient listener than me. I'm not that patient anymore, but I am still a good listener. As in, I hear what is actually being said and catch on very quickly to who I'm dealing with....

...it might be this song. Why I Lie by Liz Phair If you ask me why I lie to you I can tell you I don't know myself Its amazingly dishonest But I'd have to recognize it As part of myself Straighten up Why can't you straighten up I've heard you tell me this So many times It doesn't even stick I get it all the time I get it all the time You know I love to make A joke of it And if you ask me why I hurt you I don't understand it I can't help myself Its a special combination Of predatory instinct And simple ill will I would give some thought to it If I thought that it might do me Some good Some good Straighten up Why can't you straighten up You always say I'll lose Control of it And thirty is not too old Well momma I would give some thought to it If I thought that it might do me Some good Some good Some good

The character is revealed by the works, not by occasional good deeds and occasional misdeeds, but by the tendency of the habitual words and acts. EG White, Signs of the Times , 1884. Some wisdom has been around for a very, very long time. What is unfortunate is how often the wisdom of ages is lost, ignored or outright rejected. Take the words above by a Christian writer written 124 years ago. How often are Christians today befuddled and kept enslaved to evil because they are told they aren't free to judge the weight of evidence provided by the deeds of someone's life? Far too often. In my post titled " Is There Good in Everyone " I used the extreme example of Hitler to illustrate how a person's character must be judged on the "tendency of the habitual words and acts"; that an occasional good deed or trait will not mitigate against the weight of evil outcomes of a person's life. In my post " The Mask of Evil " I again talk about Hitle...

The debate will likely continue ad infinitum: are narcissists the result of their own free will choices over time resulting in their becoming dangerous and evil, or are they victims of genetics and/or bad circumstances? The debate will likely never conclude because there will always be a large number of people who refuse to acknowledge the reality of volitional human evil. The position I've taken on this blog is that malignant narcissists provide ample proof that they've chosen to be what they are. Did they set out to become the menace that they are to all their relationships and society in general? No, of course not. Evil people don't see themselves as evil . They've turned the world upside down so they are righteous and all those who oppose their will are the evil ones. The debate on whether or not malignant narcissists create themselves or are victims of circumstance and genetics doesn't have to be settled in order to deal with the problem of what they are t...