How to Spot a Dangerous Man

Whatta surprise.... An interesting article was posted on Drudge Report yesterday: Study: Celebrities More Narcissistic This little study seems to show that showbiz selects for narcissists, and not that showbiz turns ordinary people into narcissists. Another interesting tidbit is how the most narcissist people are those who do reality shows. If you've watched reality shows you already know this is true. What this article says confirms my hunches. I have heard those describe "situational narcissism" as an explanation for showbiz (and athletic stars) who only become narcissistic when they are thrown into these arenas. I am sure there are people who fall into this category and are therefore less likely to be malignant in their narcissism, but I have suspected that most of the narcissism we see in the stars was already present in them before they hit stardom. Of course, stardom amplifies the narcissism to levels of extreme that people love to read about in the gossip mags...

I have a particular problem with the "abuse excuse". There are abusers who can point to a personal history where they were abused as children. (Sometimes the victims of an abuser will point to this history too in order to avoid having to deal with the concept of EVIL embodied in their abuser.) Those who try to explain the reason narcissists exist will often fall back on the old Freudian concept of early childhood "damage" caused by abuse or neglect. This is very unscientific and unreliable as an explanation. For one thing, for childhood trauma to explain the creation of a narcissist one has to ask the very important question, "why do so many children raised in abusive situations NOT become narcissists?" This theory is too inconsistent with what we see in real life. There is no clear cause and effect because there are more examples of children raised in these situations who do not become narcissists than who do. This is a clear indication that indiv...

We have evidence that the narcissist knows he is mistreating you as we reflect on his deceptions and the many other ways he hides his bad acts. The term used in a criminal court is "consciousness of guilt". A person gives evidence of their awareness of the wrongness of their acts by their attempts to hide them. This concept is concrete enough to be used as evidence in a court of law, so it is concrete enough for us to use as evidence to convict our narcissist. The narcissist seeks targets of opportunity. You are abused by him because he thinks he can get away with it. To deliberately use, abuse, hurt and obliterate someone just because you can is evil . Those who argue that this doesn't mean the narcissist is evil make a good point. They say it isn't about you in the narcissist's thinking. They don't even see you so how can it be calculated evil? While there is some truth to the fact that the narcissist ignores your humanity I can't completely buy i...

As I have reflected on history with my narcissistic mother I have been able to see clear indications of her awareness of her crimes against me. I suspect you've seen the same indications with your own narcissist. I'll name a couple of them: 1) All my life she has hated my friends. I know now it is because they have always been a threat to her control of my mind. She made it clear to me, starting when I was very young, that I was not allowed to speak of the things that went on in our house. It was none of anyone's business, she would say. It was repeated often that talking about her or our family life was wrong, disloyal, bad. (Even though she freely gossips to whoever about immediate family members when it suits her.) Despite the ongoing propaganda she was never sure whether or not I was sharing things with my friends; she always imagined signs that they didn't like her and how that was directly my fault. It is likely you've also seen this paranoia and active camp...

The Narcissist is like a cult leader... My Nmother is a somatic narcissist i.e. obsessed with her beauty and/or sexuality. "Stunningly beautiful" is what most would call her for many decades of her life. But, alas, age will eventually make its mark no matter how successfully you've heretofore escaped its ravages. As my Nmother reached her sixth decade she needed a new gig. It was harder....well, damn near impossible, to convince herself that she was the most beautiful woman in whatever room she was standing in anymore. Her grandiosity bubble of being the Belle of the Ball was threatening to explode on her. Enter: the religious narcissist. If she can't be the most beautiful, she will be the most "spiritual". (Although, she still thinks she's gorgeous.) She will define what "spiritual" means in such as way that only she can stand at the pinnacle of achievement. She alone sits on the right hand of God, He speaks to her personally. About ...

Part One There are many who've been caught in the vortex of a narcissist who come out the other side saying they felt like they had been brainwashed. I came to define it the same way myself a few years ago. The book, "Emotional Vampires: Dealing With People Who Drain you Dry" by Albert J. Bernstein calls it hypnosis. His case is convincing. He is also very helpful because he takes all the mystery out of the concept of hypnosis and enables you to understand how and why it works as well as what is in you that makes you susceptible to it. Get the book. Amazon sells it for around $10. I was raised by a malignant narcissist who also happened to be my mother. Through the long and laborious process of growing up under the burden of misinformation and reality-bending forces imposed on me by her, I finally started to realize what I was dealing with (as I started pushing forty years old) and ultimately to escape (at age 43). I issued my narcissistic mother notice that I was ...

Many times I refer to the narcissist using the male gender. This is not a reflection of a belief that all, or even most, narcissists are male. In fact, I believe that there are as many female narcissists as male. The female narcissists often slip under the radar because their methodology is of the more subtle variety as a general rule. If I were to go by my personal experience alone I would tend to feel like there are more female than male narcissists because most of my entanglements with narcissists have been of the female variety. Please don't assume I have a mind-set that is predisposed to thinking of the narcissist in terms of maleness. The gender terms are completely interchangable in my mind. As you read, please, insert whatever gender term you want to....my comments apply to either one. My comments also apply to any and all narcissists whether they be lover, co-worker, child or a parent.