How to Spot a Dangerous Man

Two women are sitting at the table in the breakfast nook sipping their cups of Earl Grey, pinkies in the air, chatting. They've been there since they awakened a couple hours earlier, so they are still in their robes and slippers. It is a mother and her grown daughter. The two of them imagine that drinking Earl Grey tea is evidence of how civilized and urbane they are. If they only knew of its existence they would apply for membership in the Tiara Tea Society . Basking in their contrived sophistication they pretend their way through the morning. They've been enjoying talking at length about themselves to each other; a close observer would pick up a bit of a competition between the women. Little games of one-up-man-ship are being played, but nothing too intense. Today, they are relaxed and in a good humor. Most of their topics, when not totally self-focused, center on gossip about other family members. If you wore special reality-revealing glasses while taking in this s...

All memories are subject to degradation over time. This is an established scientific fact. What science has also discovered is that the memories we have of negative experiences last much longer and degrade much less so than memories not associated with a strong emotional reaction. My first memory dates back to age two. I know that this event happened before the birth of my sister who was born shortly after I turned three which is why I know I was two years old. I have extremely clear memories of where we lived at the time. I was able to prove that to my uncle recently. He seemed surprised and impressed at all the details I could remember about the area I lived in from age zero to about age three and a half. I can clearly describe the layout of the apartment complex as well as the surrounding properties. Point is, I have clear memories starting from a very young age. The reason my first memory became my first memory is because it was accompanied by fear and sense of abandonment....

I was re-reading the description in Proverbs of God's view of the wicked man. Check this out: A worthless person, a wicked man, Walks with a perverse mouth; He winks with his eyes, He shuffles his feet, He points with his fingers; Perversity is in his heart, He devises evil continually, He sows discord. Proverbs 6:12-14 NKJV Look at how much of this description includes physical movement. This kinda jumps out at me considering what I recently covered in the post, " Good Liars? Or Just Practiced Diversion Artists? " The first action described in this passage is the "perverse mouth"...i.e...lying. Then the winks (facial expressions), the distracting footwork and hand movements. The narcissist/psychopath has been fully exposed by the Bible. Most of us have missed that fact. Perhaps because good people are often loathe to assume the worst of someone, the motivations for these behaviors is exposed for us: the wicked man is cont...

I've commented a little on the Rev. Fred Phelps because he is such an overt and obvious narcissist that I don't need to know him personally to slap the narcissist label on him. I did read the rather long expose on him that I posted the link to here . There is plenty of evidence there to support the label. Fred and his "church" have been slapped with a 10.9 million dollar damages judgment for his protest staged at a Marine's funeral. Article here . Someone had a bit of fun at Freddie Jr.'s expense. Capitalizing on Fred's homophobia ... Fred gets the moves made on him. I found it mildly entertaining. Maybe you will too.

The book, " Emotional Vampires : Dealing with People Who Drain you Dry" has some very helpful information on how to recognize when a narcissist (or other disordered character) is hypnotizing you. You look for the signs in your own reactions: "Make sure you recognize the warning signs of hypnosis: instant rapport, deviating from standard procedure, thinking in superlatives, discounting objective information, and confusion." Emotional Vampires, pg. 48 These are all signs you look for in yourself . Here is a summary, mostly in my own words, of each of these warning signs. See the book for more details: Instant rapport -- That wonderful feeling that you are instantly "clicking" with someone you've just met is a clear warning sign. You have likely stumbled into someone who has either done their research before "accidentally" meeting you or before a job interview, or they are quick to assess what it is you think about yourself and are careful t...

Dr. Robert Hare tells us that psychopaths are not the good liars they are generally acclaimed as being. In his book " Without Conscience " in the chapter titled Words from an Overcoat Pocket he outlines the anomalies of the way psychopaths use language. More accurately, how they misuse language. And some really interesting reasons as to why . Please don't be distracted by my referring to Hare's work with psychopaths. The character-disordered have one thing in common: they lie. A lot. Lying is pervasive throughout all their interactions with others. As I have highlighted before , Dr. Hare has established that all psychopaths have a pervasive narcissistic personality. So, even on their best day, a malignant narcissist has much more in common with the psychopath than with the rest of us. Also, I know that some of you who read this blog are dealing with someone who is closer to the psychopath than not. I have observed before that the malignant narcissist prosti...

I would like to make it very, very clear that I am not advocating the pathologizing of victims. It is very possible to be schmoozed and fooled into believing a narcissist is Prince or Princess Charming who then, once you are dependent on them financially and otherwise, will show you the fangs behind closed doors. People can unwittingly be caught and trapped into relationships with malignant narcissists. I hope you saw my consistent use of the words "choice" and "will" and other iterations of words which clearly showed I am referring to people who can and are able to walk away from a situation. I would also like to state that very often there are ways out of a relationship with a narcissist even though it may look like a hopeless trap. It may require stealth, careful planning and lots of time, but a way can be cleared to make it out as long as you're not chained in the basement or have a gun to your head. I have seen more than one trapped adult who appe...