Attention is the drug

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You are the fix...


The narcissist is an addict. Their drug of choice? Attention. If you can really lock onto that word and understand how it defines the very core of the narcissist then you are well on your way to understanding what the hell is going on. What kind of attention, you ask? Any kind. Positive attention works. If that commodity is in scarce supply, then negative attention works just as well. Examples of positive attention would be: hanging on their every word, looks of admiration, adulation, attending to their every need preferably without ever being asked. All these reflections in the mirror affirm the narcissist's need for grandiosity. But the flip side of the attention currency would be: looks of fear, intimidation, obsequiousness. This also proves to the twisted mind of the narcissist that they are powerful and god-like. This negative attention just as adequately fulfills their need for grandiosity as the positive attention does. Any and all attention must prove to the narcissist that they are indeed still god.

The narcissist isn't satisfied with getting some attention, either. They must suck all the attention out of the room, or die. Withhold their next fix from them and risk psychic or bodily harm. They will rage, sulk, threaten, sing or dance in order to vacuum up every vestige of attention in any particular setting. If those tactics don't work they will stomp out of the room. Better to be alone rather than have to see anyone else getting some of their drug. Which is saying something since one of the greatest fears of the narcissist is being alone. When they are alone they risk having to confront who they really are. It can initiate a spiral into suicidal depression. This should give you some idea of the importance of them owning every bit of attention in any situation. They will risk being alone with themselves rather than sharing the milk of human kindness, regard, validation with anyone else. The level of selfishness we are talking about here is breath-taking in its scope when one really understands it.

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